Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
