How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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