It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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