Do you still have your period?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
