i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
