the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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