the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
