I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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