This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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