you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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