i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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