I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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