And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i've created a new STD.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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