My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
