You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
