Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
