Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
