Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
