also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
