OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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