Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
