ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
