Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
