It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
