You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
