went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
