I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
