I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
