Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
