I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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