If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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