i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
