Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
