is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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