I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
