I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
is it fun? or sober?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
