I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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