Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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