where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
third nipple confirmed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
