I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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