I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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