it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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