I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
