im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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