The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
