I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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