I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
