I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
