her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
