look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
