i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
