I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My bed smells like the plague
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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