i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
