a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize