Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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