As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
