So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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