Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
