Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
