Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
