this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
