I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
