Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
