Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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