so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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