Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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