what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
