I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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