I am spending my child support on dildos
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
