i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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