In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
