I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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