We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
