I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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