You're so nebulous sometimes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
