Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
