garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
