You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
