my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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