It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
