At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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