trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
