My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
