Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
