You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
