Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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