There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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