I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize