hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
