yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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