my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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