I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
